It’s been a while since I wrote a blog post, but something has been weighing on my mind lately.
Just the other day I had not one, but THREE guys message me on Instagram trying to get me to go out with them. I simply told them that I wasn’t interested in having a male love interest in my life and they got soooooo salty.
Ya see.. For the past year and a half I’ve been taking a “heart break.” If you’ve heard Lady A’s song “Heartbreak” you will definitely understand. I’ve been giving my heart a much needed break.
I may only be 23, but my heart has been through so much hurt from the guys that have been in my life. It was one major heartbreak and several lesser ones right after the other. It was like I finally found someone nice and then they turned out to be a hurtful dud.
For the longest time I thought it was me. I thought that it kept happening and I kept getting hurt because I wasn’t worthy of having the same love I gave to others. I thought “I must not be deserving of love if these guys say they ‘love’ me or ‘care’ about me and then willingly hurt me.” With each guy and the heartbreak that followed, my self-esteem lessened. I thought I was the problem and it was my fault. It really took a toll on how I mentally felt about myself.
Two years ago, I walked away from the one who broke my heart the worst and I didn’t turn back around like I previously had. It was so hard, but I knew it had to be done. I knew my heart needed better and I didn’t need to always leave in tears because of the person who “loved” me.
A year and a half ago, I stopped talking to one of the causes of my hurt because I was tired of the lies of “I’m coming to see you” and dealing with their dumb drama.
A year and a half ago, I just didn’t answer the message I got from the one whose words hurt me. I let it set there unopened and scrolled on by.
A year and a half ago, a heart breaker tried getting a second chance and I refused. This one knew my fears from the first heartbreak and then recreated them in their own way and left me broken. I was never going to forget what they did and I knew my heart was still hurting and needed to get far away from them.
It’s been a year and a half since I’ve had any sign of a guy “love interest” in my life and quite honestly…..it feels damn good. I say “love interest” because I clearly have guy friends in my life and I don’t want people to get the two confused. Since then I have found my happiness. My self-esteem is tremendously better. Let’s just say I have quite a bit of self confidence now. And I do things that make me happy and I don’t bend over backwards to please others.
Since I’ve been taking this heart break, I haven’t gone out on dates with guys, talked to anyone, or even really bother with guys.
You know what I HAVE DONE?!
I’ve gone on more dinner dates with my girlfriends than ever before. I’ve hung out with my guy friends and had amazing days. I’ve gone shopping by myself because I damn well wanted to. I’ve found my love of weightlifting and all those heartbreakers are crying over losing this ass. I’ve found me again.
I’ll never find the me I was before I had my heart broken, but I’ve found the me that has a heart on the mend and wants to live and love life to the fullest. This heart break has been something I truly have needed and I have no desire for it to cease any time soon. My heart needs another break or maybe six….until I may be ready for a love interest again.
But until then, you can catch me living ❤